How To Be “Nice” AND Attractive

I wrote about this some time ago, and I have reposted the article below. But on Sunday I was talking with a friend of mine, and I realized that the phrase “Nice Guys Finish Last” is accurate, but misunderstood. What does it mean to be “nice” in this case? Normally, this is referring to wimpy, passive/aggressive, aimless guys who are at the mercy of life and who have to subtly manipulate women to get them to “like” them. So, when that guy offers to buy a woman a drink, or pays for a meal, or sends flowers, it grosses women out because she knows that he is trying to manipulate, or PAY FOR, her affection and interest. What she wants is a nice guy who owns his POWER.

My work is so much about teaching guys how to FIND and OWN their power so that when they are NICE it is real.

So much of what guys need is NOT the next best great line or gimmick etc., but is real understanding about masculinity, power and being attractive. Two concepts that are essential for men to get are: honesty and integrity. Women can sense when a guy has integrity (which means that he is able to be honest with himself and others), and this is the master flip of attraction. If she senses that you are manipulating her, the situation, or yourself, she loses interest.

If you live your life with mastery, she will intuitively know that you will handle her with mastery. The way a man lives is the way a man loves. Your relationship with your life is a DIRECT look into how you will relate to her….so, get a life then…then, and only then, will you get a girlfriend…

Here is the article:

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How To Be "Nice" and Attractive

We've all heard it, and, to a degree, it's true. Nice guys finish last.

Why is that? I mean, wouldn't YOU be flattered with someone who buys you everything you want, arrives promptly on time, thinks of you day and night, and always answers the phone on the first ring?

Actually, NO, I wouldn't at all.

See where I am going with this?

Guys, women want us to be nice to them, but more importantly they want us to have our own LIVES. When, we shower and flatter them constantly, well that just shows them that they are VERY important to us � which might scare the hell out of them.

Perhaps we need to rethink this word "nice" and frame it in the context of being attractive. OK?

An attractive guy is someone whose life is in balance, and is focused on an aim. In fact, each area of a guy�s life should be focused on an aim: his career; his health; his relationships; his hobbies etc. In fact, a guy who begins to realize on a deeper level his true nature might even feel a sense of harmony with all of these areas, creating the necessary �balance� of autonomy.

Now, don't let me lose you here. I realize I am getting a bit heady, but just know that aiming towards a goal is something we truly need in each area of our lives.

The feeling most guys project is a sense of desperation, and a lack of a strong footing. Once a guy can arrange his lifestyle in such a way as to help harness his focus (and energy) the sense of desperation tends to wane. His relationships with women lose the importance that they once had. Interestingly enough, he then is more attractive (READ: less desperate) to women.

Once a guy is centered in this place of, dare I say, personal power, he can then be truly nice to women. The former example is mere manipulation, and any woman with a head on her shoulders will smell you from ten miles away. So, stop seeking validation from women, and get your life in order. Once this happens, feel free to be as nice and considerate as you want.

I even tell some guys to STOP dating for some time while they get the rest of their lives in order. Only then is it fair to put yourself on the market. Until then, you will not attract a healthy mate to you, and will instead be looking for someone to fill a hole which they can not fill�that hole is your responsibility, not theirs�

So, just now, take a look at the following areas of your life:

Health/Fitness
Career
Social/friendships
Family
Financial
Hobbies/Other
Spiritual

And score yourself from 1 to 10. We have a more sophisticated way of breaking this down with our clients, and in our seminars, but for now this should suffice. Based on your HONEST answers, where do you need to put some focus? How much time do you realistically need to meet some goals? Also, if you were to raise your level in each of these areas, would you attract someone different than you might be now?

I think that�s enough for now � and you thought you were going to hear a discourse on how to be nice. Trust me, each of you knows how to be nice, but what your missing is a self connected with a true source of masculine power. Until you reach that, you will settle across the board, for less than you deserve.

SN.