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Okay, like everyone else in the world, I'm a pretty needy guy. I want people to like me, I want girls to be obsessed with me within five minutes of meeting me, I want to be friends with everyone. This is human nature, we are naturally selfish. We are on a neverending adventure to be happy. There's several paths people take to do this. For topic's sake let's split it up into two types: getting and giving. To me, most things in life are best done by finding a medium. Too much 'getting' will ultimately make you unhappy, for many reasons. Too much giving will do the same, you're not a slave.
But what I find is that from being a strong and confident person that is constantly giving to people, you will end up getting just as much in return. Juggler always talks about trading, it makes sense.
"Buy me a drink."
"I'll tell you what, I will buy you a drink, and you can buy me one. Let's surprise eachother on what kind it will be!"
Being a strong and confident person means that when you give, you must let the person know what you expect from them. Juggler talks about forcing IOI's, that is basically showing that you expect as much from them as you are giving...
Last week I was talking to an attractive girl and giving her some of myself, then I vacuumed her. As she was giving her answer, she was sitting looking the other way with her entire body turned away from me. Weird. I remember Juggler saying to force IOIs, so I took her body, turned it all the way towards me, looked straight into her eyes and said, "look at me when you talk to me." To make a long story short at the end of the night I had to stop her from making out with me before she left.
But I digress. An interaction can be happy on both sides when both are giving and getting (Think Dan's Equal Interaction Exchange).
In my opinion, the people that have anxiety and are in their head all the time are the ones that have been stiffed in life. We either have been shown TOO MUCH attention throughout life or NOT ENOUGH, and now we're adults and whatever the case, we're not getting the attention we want.
So, what happens to the people who are taught to give and get at just the right amount? They become naturals.
So now, let's put our minds into a social situation. Zip yourselves into some bar or party for this chunk of the post... You walk in and see tons of people interacting and having a good time.
"Hey! I want that!" Immediately the anxiety builds.
"Anxiety is created when we think about ourselves too much." -Juggler
Okay, so what's wrong? Why is this happening to me? I'll tell you why, already the Equal Interaction Exchange is off level. You want to get more than you want to give. Doesn't work that way, baby. So does everyone else in this bar.
So let's backtrack. How do you get? By being a strong and confident person that is constantly giving. This means that as you give, you must let the other person know what you expect back. That's what modeling is for, that's what the vacuum is for, that's what forcing IOIs is for, that's what giving only what is deserved is all about, etc.
If you do all those things, the act of 'getting' will just naturally happen to you. You don't even have to worry about it. So how about this? Let's forget about getting. Let's forget about the girl, let's forget about getting your knob slobbed. Guess what? Who cares if it happens? Let's worry about making other people happy. Let's think about how we can make the other person see how special they are. Don't you love when someone does that to you? Just think about giving. After all, that's a big part of being happy. When you do that, the other half will fall into place. Maybe not tonight, but eventually, it always does. Just make sure you let the other person know you expect it from them, or they'll think they have a new personal slave.
So, when you are in this mindset of not worrying about what happens to you, you are not hiding yourself from people. The reason we get in our head, or don't say the things we want to say is because we are scared how we will be judged. But here's the trick!!! When you don't expect any GETTING, you don't care how you will be judged. Funny how that works!
What I want you to do next time you walk into a social situation, expect to get NOTHING. Noone will talk to you, noone will tell you you are cool, no girl will think you are the mack daddy. Who cares anyway, your goal is to make other people happy.
I want to tell you, my approach anxiety is almost gone. This shit is powerful. I can walk up to a set and not have any tightness in my chest. I say what I want to girls. Know why? I don't care if they like me or not. I'm not thinking about if I'm gonna get their number, or if I'll take them home. I'm just there to HAVE FUN. And like I said in another post:
Setting such high expectations for yourself isn't healthy. you'll burst a blood vessel in your head if you think that you need to make 20 friends everywhere you go.
Now, since the burden is dropped, you don't need to have an amazing time.. when you get wherever you're going, every little thing that happens will be much more appreciative. Plus, instead of worrying about doing something good, you'll end up just WANTING to do something good because of the lack thereof.
See how that goes.
Still feel all choked up and quiet around people? Maybe it's because you feel they are better than you. Being intimidated is just a cause of wanting to 'get'. Something my mom reminded me of this week that she always used to tell me as a kid...
"Anthony, everyone shits on the toilet the same way."
When you feel yourself stiffing up in an interaction, think about that line and see what happens.
You know what? Even if you are still nervous, that's natural. It takes practice. Don't worry about it. Don't put pressure on yourself to do well. Don't put pressure on yourself to even make people happy. Just go into a social situation expecting nothing. Sounds f*cked up? It isn't, it's really working for me, and I'm getting so much in return.
MyBirthdayPony is the blogger behind Tips On Getting Girls and is a Charisma Arts Alumni.
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